Sick and Broken
by amysdeepocean
Summary: An alternate version of 4x17 and Addison being sick. Addison/Amelia friendship and comfort.
1. Chapter 1

**An alternate version of 4x17 and Addison being sick**

"Why didn't you tell me you're sick?"

"Amelia" Addison groaned. She was lying the couch in her office. She hadn't felt well the whole morning, but insisted on going to work. Now she started to regret her decision, because it had gotten worse. Nausea and dizziness came in strong unexpected waves and her head was throbbing like two elephants were dancing salsa on it.

"It's really not a big deal. I'm just not feeling well. I'll be okay in a few minutes" she lied.

"You look horrible" Amelia gave her a critical look.

"Well, thanks for that" the redhead replied sarcastically and sat up. Amelia put a hand on her forehead.

"Geez, you're burning up!"

"I'm FINE, Amelia. It's probably just flu or some sort of belated stress" Addison said and stood up. The room immediately started to spin. She quickly shut her eyes, hoping the dizziness to go away but her knees got weak and she lost her balance. The tall woman swayed dangerously and would've fallen on the coffee table in front of her if it hadn't been for Amelia who quickly rushed to her side to stabilize her.

"Try to tell me that without falling over and I might believe you" Amelia smirked and helped her friend to sit on the couch again. Addison groaned when her friend settled down next to her. It wasn't only the fact that she was sick that bothered her, it was the lack of control over her own body that reminded her how little control she had over her life right now.

"We should go home" Amelia said after a while.

"We?" Addison asked skeptically. "I'm perfectly able to take care of myself, I…" A sudden wave auf nausea stopped her from going on. She put her hands on her knees and focused on her breathing to not throw up the rest of her breakfast. Amelia gently stroked her back before returning to the conversation.

"Don't think I'll let you go alone. You can't even stand properly, not to mention walking around on your way to high heels. I bet you wouldn't make it to the elevator without any injuries and afterwards I'm always the one to listen to your whining and complaining because no one else can endure being bossed around by a sick nasty Addison longer than ten minutes except me. So yeah, 'we' are going home"

Addison raised her eyebrows. "Nasty?"

"Only when you're sick and not in control of everything and everyone" Amelia reassured her.

"Are you calling me a control freak?!"

"I would never dare to do that" Amelia smiled innocently. Addison scoffed, but she was too tired to shoot back. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows, trying her best to remain control over her body.

"Oh man, you are really sick, are you?" Amelia said, more empathically and this time with a hint of worry in her voice. "Come on, I'm gonna take you home" She took Addison's hands and pulled her on her feet. The older woman leaned on Amelia's shoulder for support.

They slowly made their way to the elevator. They had to stop twice because Amelia struggled keeping her friend upright due to Addison's intensifying dizziness. When reaching the metallic doors, the young woman breathed heavily. This was a lot harder than she imagined. Even though Addison kept her eyes closed most of the time, she didn't miss Amelia struggling with the additional weight. She felt guilty for causing her friend problems.

"Amelia, you don't have to do this. I'm gonna be fine with sleeping in my office"

"Addison, please. Stop telling me you're fine. Don't you get I'm worried and I want to help you because I care about you?!" It came out harsher than Amelia intended, but her friend's constant attempts to get rid of her were kind of hurtful and completely annoying.

"I'm sorry, I just…OUCH!" Addison cried out in pain and clutched her stomach. In seconds Amelia was by her side. "What's wrong?" "Stomach. Hurts" Addison groaned with teeth clenched together.

"Okay enough, I'm taking you to the hospital" Amelia expected resistance, but her friend was too focused on controlling the pain. On the way to her car she called Charlotte to make sure everything was gonna be prepared when they arrived.

The blonde waited for the two women in the ER and led them into examination room. She paged her best intern for initial evaluation and blood sampling. After taking all the tests, the young man brought them into an empty patient room so they didn't have to wait in the ER. They sat down opposite of the door. Addison curled up on two of the chairs and rested her head on Amelia's lap, who started running her hands through the long red hair. When the door opened and Charlotte entered, Addison straightened up and gave the head of St. Ambrose hospital a slight smile.

"How are you feeling?" Charlotte asked. "Little better" the older woman replied.

"Apparently, it's a simple gastrointestinal infection, but combined with a weakened immune system due to stress and the lack of sleep, its impact on the body can be more serious. I'm prescribing you some painkillers for the cramps but for a complete recovery you need to rest at least a week"

"That's really not necessary, I'm…" she didn't finish her sentence when she saw Amelia glaring at her with a say-it-and-I-will-kill-you look in her eyes. Charlotte smiled at the interaction.

"I'm taking that as a yes" She handed Amelia the prescription. "I have to go, I have a patient in the OR. Get well soon, Addison" the blonde gave her friend a sympathetic look and left the room.

In the hallway, the duo bumped into Sam. "What are you guys doing her?" Instead of an answer, Amelia pointed on Addison who rolled her eyes. She didn't want the whole hospital to know about her medical condition.

"Just a stomach bug, it'll be okay tomorrow" Although Sam knew that his friend was for sure sicker than she admitted, he decided not to argue with her, Amelia had probably done that the last couple of hours. He lightly squeezed her shoulder when she started to walk towards the exit. The neurosurgeon made an attempt to follow her in case she might lose her balance again.

"Amelia?" Sam touched her arm to hold her back. "Yeah?" "Take good care of her. Even if she tells you she's fine - she's not and she needs somebody by her side"

"Trust me, I will" she reassured the cardiac surgeon and went after Addison.


	2. Chapter 2

When they arrived at the beach house, Addison rushed inside without a word. Amelia took off shoes and jacket and went to the small bathroom where she assumed her friend. She pushed against the thin door and saw Addison kneeling on the floor emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl. Amelia kneeled down behind her, pulled the red hair into a ponytail with one hand and rubbed circles on Addison's back with the other.

When Addison was finished, she wiped her mouth and leaned her head against the cold wall. Amelia handed her a glass of water which she gratefully took.

"Ugh this is disgusting"

"Don't worry, I have a lot of experience dealing with every existing form of disgusting thanks to my friends in med school. You're not even level 1" Amelia joked. "Are you okay for now?" Addison nodded and took another sip of water to neutralize the bitter taste in her mouth.

"Ready for bed?" Amelia asked. The older woman nodded and stood up slowly. Amelia took her arm in case her friend would feel dizzy again. The duo made its way upstairs to Addison's bedroom. Both women changed into some comfortable clothes. Amelia secretly loved putting on Addison's shirts although most of them were too big for the petite woman.

Amelia jumped on the bed. She stretched out arms and legs and yawned. Addison gave her a bemused look. "Is your own bed not comfortable enough?" she laughed.

"Give me five minutes, I've been up since 4am and my feet are killing me. I'm never going to wear those stupid heels to work again" she whined. Addison settled down next to her. She was feeling exhausted and her headache kicked in again. She took one of the pills Amelia had put on her nightstand and laid back on the pillows.

After a little more than five minutes, 15 to be exact, Amelia yawned and rolled towards the edge of the bed. "Goodnight Addie" she said and made her way towards the door.

"Amelia?" The neurosurgeon turned around. Addison hesitated. She hated to be alone, especially when she was sick. Sure, Amelia would sleep in the guest room next door where she lived since she had joined the practice and she would still be here in the morning. But if she was honest with herself, she needed someone close to her. Someone who stroked her hair and told her it's going to be okay. Someone who truly cared. Just like Amelia did the whole day. But she couldn't ask her to do that again, she didn't want to bother her with her childish mood.

"Sweet dreams" Addison forced a smile, but over the years Amelia had learned to not get fooled by her faked happiness. She saw the inner conflict taking place behind those brown eyes.

"Do you want me to stay?" she asked. Addison started to play with the fabric of her shirt, avoiding eye contact. "I don't know. I mean, I don't want you to get sick and you've already done so much and…"

"Honestly Addie, yes or no?" Amelia interrupted her.

"Yes" the older woman admitted sheepishly. Without a word, Amelia crawled back under the sheets next to Addison. She gave her friend a quick peck on the cheek and whispered, "Sleep tight"

It didn't take long until both women fell into a peaceful sleep.

Amelia woke by sudden undefined movement next to her. Addison was thrashing around in her bed, an expression of panic on her face even though her eyes were closed.

"Addison, wake up!" Amelia grabbed her friend by the shoulders and shook her lightly. "Wake up, honey, you're dreaming!" Addison's eyes flew open. Her entire body was shaking and covered in sweat. When Amelia's familiar face came into focus, the panic slowly subsided.

"What happened?" she breathed.

"You had a nightmare. It's okay, I'm here and you are safe" Amelia reassured the trembling woman, wiping the cold sweat off her face. "Your temperature is still too high, I'll bring you a washcloth for your forehead" the young woman suggested and climbed off the bed. A minute later, she returned with the wet piece of fabric. Addison shivered when the cold material touched her skin. Amelia kneeled down next to the bed and caressed Addison's arm.

"I'm sorry for being so weak" the redhead said with a raspy voice.

"You are ill. Don't apologize for things you can't control" Amelia said firmly. "Drink this" she ordered, handing Addison a glass of water. Addison took a few gulps, then put the glass on the nightstand and gave Amelia a thankful smile.

"You remember the dream?" Addison shook her head. For Amelia, it looked like an attempt to shake off the memory, but she didn't want to press, so she climbed back into bed. They both laid on their back and stared at the ceiling for a while.

"I don't know why every time I feel happy, or something close to happy, I mess up or someone dies or something else happens and then everything's a complete mess" Addison suddenly interrupted the silence. "I finally know what I want, but life has told me more than once that I'm not going to get it. I want a baby, but I'm infertile. I want a family, but Sam doesn't want to start one with me"

Amelia said nothing. Firstly, she didn't really know what to say and secondly, she sensed there was more Addison wanted to tell.

"In that dream… everyone was there. Derek, Mark, Pete, Naomi, Sam... I could see them, but they couldn't see me. I was the invisible observer. They lived their life without me and they were happy. Derek and Meredith, Mark and Lexie, Pete and Violet, Naomi and Sam… they were all happy because they found true love. And the only reason they could do that was because I wasn't there. No one needed me or missed me. And it's true because I'm constantly messing up relationships and friendships and at some point, no one will be there anymore" Addison's eyes teared up. "I will transform into one of those crazy cat ladies who is knitting sweaters for her kittens and talking to them because I won't have any other friends. They'll all be long gone"

"I'll be there with you knitting cute little sweaters for every single one of our 30 cats" Amelia couldn't suppress a grin at her friend's odd life prognosis.

"Stop making fun of me" Addison mocked and sat up.

"You can count on me for that. But I have to admit I'll rather be knitting some for an even cuter mini-version of yours"

"You know that won't happen" Addison sighed. Amelia cupped her face with both hands and looked into her eyes. "You want it and it's going to happen. There are so many ways to become a mother. I don't know anyone that deserves a little miracle more than you and if I were a fairy it would be my priority to get you pregnant. It happens I'm not a fairy but a brilliant neurosurgeon, but because of that I know what magical effects optimism and hope can have on the body. Have a little faith, Addie. You've had a lot of bad luck lately, it's going to get better now" Amelia paused and brushed back a strand of red hair that had fallen in front of Addison's eyes. "And stop thinking you're going to end up alone. You are a smart, successful woman, you are kind and caring and goddamn sexy, if I were a man I would offer you the world. And if everything goes wrong you'll have me. I normally don't make promises because I tended to break a lot in the past. But I promise you that I will never leave you. You are my sister and nothing can change that. You are not alone. Do you understand me?"

Addison nodded and smiled through teary eyes. Amelia's words had touched her deeply, no one had ever talked to her with a voice so passionate, so full of affection. No words could describe how much Amelia meant to her, no 'Thank you' could ever contain how thankful she was to have that woman in her life. A tear escaped her eye, but she didn't try to hide it because it was a sign of happiness, not of sadness.

"Come here" Amelia pulled Addison into a tight hug. "I love you" she whispered into the redhead's ear before pulling away. She gently wiped away the tears that were now rolling down the feverish cheeks. "And now let us go back to sleep, my genius brain needs some rest" she yawned demonstratively and plumped back on the pillows.

Addison snuggled against Amelia's petite body. She wasn't afraid to fall asleep again because she knew Amelia was there and she was safe with her. Her words had done something to her, had given her the love and comfort she'd needed. Amelia felt a hand slide into hers.

That night, they both fell asleep with a smile on their lips.


End file.
